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May 23, 2012
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I am called to trial for my life.

Before a jury of Asir and mortals.

How very hilarious.

You mortals convene to loosely decide the fate of a god.

How very righteous of you.

I, however; cannot be called "righteous." I cannot even be thought to be redeemable.  

All hope of reconciliation was lost when I let go.

My brother- he who so claims to be my brother- the oaf, of course, would argue otherwise- that I was and am redeemable.

Hah.

To call one who has already been claimed with such accusations as I redeemable would be the equivalent of believing that, a monstrous creature set free of its cage, would not bring harm to those who gave him freedom.

I have been given such titles as malevolent, cruel, liar, thief, and murderer.

I stand trial before my subjects with such accusations;

And I am guilty of every one.

Some have even gone so far as to "accuse" me of being death himself.

I, however; am simply a cause of death.

I am chaos.

There are those who wish to pity me. There are others who would believe I am unworthy of pity; unworthy of life. But death would be too great an act of mercy.

So I have been locked in my chambers; unable to speak.

Unable to sleep.

The nightmares are too quick to flood my mind and eat away at my rotting soul, tormented by the memory of a past I do not wish to remember.

If you require a confession of me, you have one.

I am a murderer, guilty of crimes I have yet to be accused of.

And yet.

I am known as a liar.

Have I not been lied to?

I am a thief, and yet I am no more than a stolen relic.

In reality, my current position is no worse than that which I was smuggled into.

I've always been hated and accused of crimes I may or may not have committed.

There is no unique quality to my current situation.

My nature is, by ancient definition, "sinful."

Any action I should choose to take, whether the drive be one of innocence- or even heroism- is immediately translated into some vain, neurotic attempt to unleash unrest upon what these creatures believe to be a completely balanced world.

Unrest.

What I would give to know what rest is.

To sleep.

To die.

Voices echo deep within my soul. Voices of an unforgiving past.

He who believes me to be his brother believes that I am losing myself- that I am unable to remember those days in which I called him "brother."

I am not all that far gone.

I still hear those familiar voices calling me. They beckon me to return to a dimension in which I never truly belonged.

They expect me to fall willingly into arms that never truly held me.
They allowed me to fall.

They made me.

Even now, the echoes grow louder and more painful.

They threaten to spill over; to fall as confessions from my lips.

Only I cannot speak.

I cannot even scream.

These phantoms appear as clearly now as they did in that hollow void between life and death.

They are more than memories.

They are reality.

They exist to remind me of what I should long to forget.

Their cold voices tear at my being and feed on my soul.

I am pulled further still into the void- I long for the emptiness that allows me to forfeit such murderous echoes of my sin.

These phantoms have replaced my sanity. Their very words form the poison which I so willingly drink.

I am surely cursed.

Fire and ash.

Buildings fell as mortal souls screamed in my ears.

They never stop.

I recall a child.

Small in size, lying weakly on the pavement.

I ask you to believe me. I beg that you do.

I wanted to stop. To crouch down.

I wanted to whisper: "I'm sorry, child."

But such words never escaped my lips.

They weren't allowed.

I did not crouch down and I did not speak.

I simply watched her for awhile.

I watched her eyes close slowly, her whimpers caught in her throat as she gasped for breath.

She fell asleep, there, in the middle of the chaos.

The calm in the storm.

What right have I to live?

I no longer have the will.

Something continues to pull at me- to beckon me still further into the grasp of these phantom arms.

I so long to be held again. To be innocent.

To be wanted.

No, such things cannot be.

I am unredeemable.

I am damned.
*MY SUBMISSION FOR THE SOFTER SIDE OF LOKI CONTEST!*

A brief description:
My characterization of the softer side of Loki is the side of him that realizes how lost he is and believes internally that there is no turning back. He holds many of the beliefs similar to that of Tom Hiddleston's portrayal of the character, while many of the emotions shown in the Thor film are evident. (At least that's what I was going for). He believes himself to be a monster, incapable of love while this belief stirrs within him a yearning to be above others. He recalls the destruction and the chaos- all of the death. I wanted to portray his inwardmost thoughts- perhaps to freeze some of them in time. I wanted to portray them as he might think on them- as echoes of his past. Each echo is a painful one- they are shadows of what he once was, what he thought he knew, etc. I wanted to show that, though he is branded with many crimes, he has remorse. He looks on it and hates himself for it. He longs to return home, to be innocent again. But he believes that he cannot turn back- that he has fallen too deep to be obsolved. This entry is the portrayal of the side of him that dies every time he kills. It is meant to portray his hardened heart while revealing how broken he truly is. Enjoy!

Music: My Skin by Natalie Merchant
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:iconhimurakenshinfan19:
himurakenshinfan19 Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I like this portrayal of Loki, its how I see him to :)
And your writing is just excellent!!
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:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you dear :)
Reply
:iconhimurakenshinfan19:
himurakenshinfan19 Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:)
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:iconjediskygirl:
JediSkygirl Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012  Student General Artist
Oh my word. This is amazing. The way you wrote this was fantastic. The emotion was perfect, and I loved the thought process of Loki that you created, which I think could quite possibly be what he really thinks. I also really like how you set it up and how i flowed, almost like a poem, but not. I look forward to what is going to happen to him in Thor 2. Great work and good luck in the contest!!!
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:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you! Loki is probably my favorite character because he is so in depth with emotion. I also find that there is so much humanity in him and it all truly draws me to him. I'm so excited for Thor 2!! Bahhhh.
Thank you! I actually tied for third in the contest so thank you! :)
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:iconjediskygirl:
JediSkygirl Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012  Student General Artist
I KNOW! I have to always explain to people why I like him so much, though some of my reasons are the ones that I've written in my fan fic, though it's just because he's happier :P He's my favorite bad guy besides some of the Star Wars baddies, just because he's the most in depth charcter! You saw him go bad, which is what I liked. You have no idea how excited I am for Thor 2 :D :D :D

Oh yay! wesome for you ma'am!
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:iconcyluho:
Cyluho Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Great work :)
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:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you!:)
Reply
:iconcyluho:
Cyluho Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome ;)
It's really fascinating... I was always bad at characterizing people, but I'm getting better and better in interpreting their behaviour and guessing their line of thoughts :D I just sit their and think and imaginate and build my theories and when I finally confront them, many things are right ;P Guess, I have just too much weird and useless fantasy :D
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:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Student General Artist
It's not weird or useless! It is helpful and good in many ways. It provides capabilities with other people- how to interperate them among other things. It is also very helpful with writing as well as character studies for acting. I absolutely love character studies- it truly provides insight in life. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
Do continue working with characterizations, it is a very good ability to possess :)
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