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I am called to trial for my life.

Before a jury of Asir and mortals.

How very hilarious.

You mortals convene to loosely decide the fate of a god.

How very righteous of you.

I, however; cannot be called "righteous." I cannot even be thought to be redeemable.  

All hope of reconciliation was lost when I let go.

My brother- he who so claims to be my brother- the oaf, of course, would argue otherwise- that I was and am redeemable.

Hah.

To call one who has already been claimed with such accusations as I redeemable would be the equivalent of believing that, a monstrous creature set free of its cage, would not bring harm to those who gave him freedom.

I have been given such titles as malevolent, cruel, liar, thief, and murderer.

I stand trial before my subjects with such accusations;

And I am guilty of every one.

Some have even gone so far as to "accuse" me of being death himself.

I, however; am simply a cause of death.

I am chaos.

There are those who wish to pity me. There are others who would believe I am unworthy of pity; unworthy of life. But death would be too great an act of mercy.

So I have been locked in my chambers; unable to speak.

Unable to sleep.

The nightmares are too quick to flood my mind and eat away at my rotting soul, tormented by the memory of a past I do not wish to remember.

If you require a confession of me, you have one.

I am a murderer, guilty of crimes I have yet to be accused of.

And yet.

I am known as a liar.

Have I not been lied to?

I am a thief, and yet I am no more than a stolen relic.

In reality, my current position is no worse than that which I was smuggled into.

I've always been hated and accused of crimes I may or may not have committed.

There is no unique quality to my current situation.

My nature is, by ancient definition, "sinful."

Any action I should choose to take, whether the drive be one of innocence- or even heroism- is immediately translated into some vain, neurotic attempt to unleash unrest upon what these creatures believe to be a completely balanced world.

Unrest.

What I would give to know what rest is.

To sleep.

To die.

Voices echo deep within my soul. Voices of an unforgiving past.

He who believes me to be his brother believes that I am losing myself- that I am unable to remember those days in which I called him "brother."

I am not all that far gone.

I still hear those familiar voices calling me. They beckon me to return to a dimension in which I never truly belonged.

They expect me to fall willingly into arms that never truly held me.
They allowed me to fall.

They made me.

Even now, the echoes grow louder and more painful.

They threaten to spill over; to fall as confessions from my lips.

Only I cannot speak.

I cannot even scream.

These phantoms appear as clearly now as they did in that hollow void between life and death.

They are more than memories.

They are reality.

They exist to remind me of what I should long to forget.

Their cold voices tear at my being and feed on my soul.

I am pulled further still into the void- I long for the emptiness that allows me to forfeit such murderous echoes of my sin.

These phantoms have replaced my sanity. Their very words form the poison which I so willingly drink.

I am surely cursed.

Fire and ash.

Buildings fell as mortal souls screamed in my ears.

They never stop.

I recall a child.

Small in size, lying weakly on the pavement.

I ask you to believe me. I beg that you do.

I wanted to stop. To crouch down.

I wanted to whisper: "I'm sorry, child."

But such words never escaped my lips.

They weren't allowed.

I did not crouch down and I did not speak.

I simply watched her for awhile.

I watched her eyes close slowly, her whimpers caught in her throat as she gasped for breath.

She fell asleep, there, in the middle of the chaos.

The calm in the storm.

What right have I to live?

I no longer have the will.

Something continues to pull at me- to beckon me still further into the grasp of these phantom arms.

I so long to be held again. To be innocent.

To be wanted.

No, such things cannot be.

I am unredeemable.

I am damned.
*MY SUBMISSION FOR THE SOFTER SIDE OF LOKI CONTEST!*

A brief description:
My characterization of the softer side of Loki is the side of him that realizes how lost he is and believes internally that there is no turning back. He holds many of the beliefs similar to that of Tom Hiddleston's portrayal of the character, while many of the emotions shown in the Thor film are evident. (At least that's what I was going for). He believes himself to be a monster, incapable of love while this belief stirrs within him a yearning to be above others. He recalls the destruction and the chaos- all of the death. I wanted to portray his inwardmost thoughts- perhaps to freeze some of them in time. I wanted to portray them as he might think on them- as echoes of his past. Each echo is a painful one- they are shadows of what he once was, what he thought he knew, etc. I wanted to show that, though he is branded with many crimes, he has remorse. He looks on it and hates himself for it. He longs to return home, to be innocent again. But he believes that he cannot turn back- that he has fallen too deep to be obsolved. This entry is the portrayal of the side of him that dies every time he kills. It is meant to portray his hardened heart while revealing how broken he truly is. Enjoy!

Music: My Skin by Natalie Merchant
Add a Comment:
 
:iconred-queen666:
Red-Queen666 Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I like this portrayal of Loki, its how I see him to :)
And your writing is just excellent!!
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you dear :)
Reply
:iconred-queen666:
Red-Queen666 Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Reply
:iconabbycatwolff:
AbbyCatWolff Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012  Student General Artist
Oh my word. This is amazing. The way you wrote this was fantastic. The emotion was perfect, and I loved the thought process of Loki that you created, which I think could quite possibly be what he really thinks. I also really like how you set it up and how i flowed, almost like a poem, but not. I look forward to what is going to happen to him in Thor 2. Great work and good luck in the contest!!!
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you! Loki is probably my favorite character because he is so in depth with emotion. I also find that there is so much humanity in him and it all truly draws me to him. I'm so excited for Thor 2!! Bahhhh.
Thank you! I actually tied for third in the contest so thank you! :)
Reply
:iconabbycatwolff:
AbbyCatWolff Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012  Student General Artist
I KNOW! I have to always explain to people why I like him so much, though some of my reasons are the ones that I've written in my fan fic, though it's just because he's happier :P He's my favorite bad guy besides some of the Star Wars baddies, just because he's the most in depth charcter! You saw him go bad, which is what I liked. You have no idea how excited I am for Thor 2 :D :D :D

Oh yay! wesome for you ma'am!
Reply
:iconcyluho:
Cyluho Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Great work :)
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you!:)
Reply
:iconcyluho:
Cyluho Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome ;)
It's really fascinating... I was always bad at characterizing people, but I'm getting better and better in interpreting their behaviour and guessing their line of thoughts :D I just sit their and think and imaginate and build my theories and when I finally confront them, many things are right ;P Guess, I have just too much weird and useless fantasy :D
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Student General Artist
It's not weird or useless! It is helpful and good in many ways. It provides capabilities with other people- how to interperate them among other things. It is also very helpful with writing as well as character studies for acting. I absolutely love character studies- it truly provides insight in life. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
Do continue working with characterizations, it is a very good ability to possess :)
Reply
:iconcyluho:
Cyluho Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Okay...not useless, you're right :)
I'll continue trying to improve ;)
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Student General Artist
Definitely do it :)
Cheers!
Reply
:iconcyluho:
Cyluho Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
=D
Reply
:iconhelainel:
HelaineL Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:(
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012  Student General Artist
I'm sorry I gave you the sads :(
Reply
:iconjoyified:
joyified Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012
Oh my God. This is one of the best things I've ever seen! You, my friend, have a gift!
I love the way you characterized him. It really does seem like it was Loki who wrote this.... *suspicious*
You really have an in depth insight to characterization. Well done! :D
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you for your kind words! This really is encouraging! Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconjoyified:
joyified Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012
Ya totally! You have my vote!!
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012  Student General Artist
Wow! Thank you!!! :)
Reply
:iconthehatbearer15:
thehatbearer15 Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
......... *jaw drops* this.. wow. it really shows Loki's feelings. just really blown away right now.
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Student General Artist
Ahh I'm honored! That is just what I was going for! :)
Reply
:iconthehatbearer15:
thehatbearer15 Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome! :hug:
Reply
:iconmrsvolterra:
MrsVolterra Featured By Owner May 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
<3
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner May 26, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you! <3
Reply
:iconianam1983:
ianam1983 Featured By Owner May 25, 2012
I know why Loki went insane.

It's not simply because he found out his entire life was a lie, or because he's been second fiddle for way too long in a society that only respects firsts. Those would certainly be enough to drive someone over the edge, but with Loki it's more than that.

He gets the joke.

He's realized something none of the others have: that this is his nature, that he can no more fight it than a fish can fight the tide, and that all the events in his life have been leading up to the man he's now become. He never belonged before, he never WAS the person they thought he was, and now that he's finally becoming himself - showing himself - everyone thinks it was a choice. They all still have the DELUSION of choice. Loki does not. He knows. He's seen the truth that all men hide from to prevent themselves going mad, so naturally he went mad. But he's the sanest madman in the nine realms.

He gets the joke. And he's the only one laughing at it.

That is the definition of madness.
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner May 26, 2012  Student General Artist
That truly is some brilliant insight.

And it is so very true.

As I said earlier, Loki is chaos, and he's finally come to terms with it.

I like what you said there, that everyone thinks it's his choice- but in reality they all still believe in the delusion of choice. As you said: The sanest madman in the nine realms.

I applaud you on your brilliant insight! Thank you so much for this comment as it has given me a great deal of further insight on Loki's character- which I may add- any insight on characterizations that anyone could give me is like gold to me.

:)
Reply
:iconianam1983:
ianam1983 Featured By Owner May 26, 2012
It was your story here that provoked the insight, so thank YOU. ;) I love analyzing characters, and this one's a doozy. I could pick at his brain all day.
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner May 26, 2012  Student General Artist
Really?! Well thank you, then! I'm honored! Yes, Loki truly is a complex character- his logic is perfectly fast and yet he is capable of so much chaos :)
Reply
:iconfallen-angels-girl:
fallen-angels-girl Featured By Owner May 24, 2012  Student Writer
LOKI.
OMFG.
LET.
ME.
LOVE.
YOU.
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner May 24, 2012  Student General Artist
GPOY :')
Reply
:iconmarkie23:
markie23 Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Wow I really enjoyed this. So emotional. Great job interpreting his emotions and creating a deeper character feel. This s excellent!
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you so much! :)
Reply
:iconomegacentaury:
OmEgACeNtAuRy Featured By Owner May 23, 2012
Oh my God! I almost cried! it's so sad and beautiful at the same time! just as Loki's life and character are...

You have done such a brilliant job giving voice to his feelings. I could perfectly imagine him while reading all this! I loved it!! congratulations! :D
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Student General Artist
Ahhhh really?? Thank you!!
Gahhhhh :3
Merci beaucoup! :)
Reply
:iconomegacentaury:
OmEgACeNtAuRy Featured By Owner May 25, 2012
De rien ;)

I just was being honest! you did it pretty well :)
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner May 26, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you so much! I am honored that you enjoyed it so much :)
Reply
:iconsatyrpluto:
SatyrPluto Featured By Owner May 23, 2012
Great read. It read like pure thought. A diary entry perhaps; the one place where a person can comfortably reveal, only to themselves of course, their softer side. You have my vote so far :)
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you so much! Ahh I'm honored! :)
Reply
:iconxxmaybellxx:
xXMaybellXx Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my gosh. This is just... ;~; -Legitimately crying right now- I'll hug you, Loki... ;~; :hug:
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Student General Artist
:')
Reply
:iconxxmaybellxx:
xXMaybellXx Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I just want to run in there and hug him and tell him that everything's gonna be ok.. ;~;
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Student General Artist
You may feel free to attack him with a multitude of hugs. Do it. :)
Reply
:iconxxmaybellxx:
xXMaybellXx Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Really..? o3o Runs up to Loki and hugs him, knocking the breath from him- It's ok, Loki...!!!!! I know you're not all bad!~~~ >O
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Student General Artist
A startled Loki blushes and, confusedly staring down at this most interesting creature who has taken him up in a painful hold, slowly pats her on the back. :D
Reply
:iconxxmaybellxx:
xXMaybellXx Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
(( X3 )) I look up at Loki, who is oddly enough, blushing. I feel his hand on my back, and my own face turns red. I loosen my grip, my head leaning on his chest, which it barely reaches. -short- Thor doesn't know what he's done to you.. He has no idea it's his own fault that this happened to you... He's a dense moron, that man... >.<'
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Student General Artist
Loki, finally able to breathe, smirks through the metal gag covering his mouth. Finally. Someone who actually understands. Startled at the creature's most interesting position on his chest, he looks down at her. Gods, she's red as an Asgardian sunset.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconorch-dork:
Orch-Dork Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I love this!
Reply
:iconaries0:
aries0 Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you!
Reply
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